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Scripture actually warns us to avoid that really basic attraction in love.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,” Proverbs (otherwise known as the anthem for an ideal relationship) say.

Sparks can fly, but if they don’t, it’s not the deal breaker we’ve been led to believe it should be. They’re beautiful and electric, but they don’t last. But more often than not, most sparks burn up into the atmosphere.

When you think about a fire, the elements that keep it burning for the long term aren’t the sparks.

When your mouths are fused together, fireworks go off behind your closed eyelids for a good, long time. The spark can ruin all of your best intentions, though.

I’ve been dating for a decade, and even though my personal evolution of how I date has changed drastically in 10 years, I can still get caught up with a Mr. I justify a lot of things I normally wouldn’t deal with if I spark with a guy.

When I say “spark” I mean that thought that an instantaneous, out-of-this-world connection is the only indicator of love.

There have been first dates she came back from very unsure.

But after a second date, she felt peace knowing that she didn’t write someone off for lack of a spark.

“The freedom of giving oneself to another is a decision that requires a conscious harmony.

It’s not about a simple mutual attraction, an emotion, a moment or a phase. When you approach dating and relationships with the mentality of the Christian vows—better or worse, rich or poor, sickness or health—the spark becomes something that seems inconsequential compared to the depth of connection that weathering the challenges of life together offers.