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It’s also worth noting that we have to receive empathy to feel empathy.
By receiving empathy, not only do we feel how amazing it is to be understood, we also learn about the courage it takes to be vulnerable.
The problem with this kind of response is that it invalidates the other person.
I know when others have tried to “fix” my feelings, I’ve ended up resenting them because it made me feel foolish for feeling that way in the first place.
So if you’re living with a mate who fits any of those descriptors, accept that this skill may be one that you’ll have to “lead out on” and be the example for your spouse.
In time, you just might inspire them to let go of self-protection and risk by validating your feelings in return.
You might want to record these questions and keep them in a place where you can retrieve them easily, like on a handy index card tucked in your wallet or on a note-keeping app on your smart phone, etc.
In highly charged moments validation can be so crucial and clarifying.
Ask questions to help you understand why they are feeling that way. During your State of the Union Meeting, you’ll get a chance to summarize what you heard..pass_color_to_child_links a.u-inline.u-margin-left--xs.u-margin-right--sm.u-relative.u-width--100.u-flex-inline.u-flex-align-self--center.u-flex-justify--between.u-serif-font-main--regular.js-wf-loaded .u-serif-font-main--regular.amp-page .u-serif-font-main--regular.u-hover-bg--black-transparent.web_page .u-hover-bg--black-transparent:hover. Content Header .feed_item_answer_user.js-wf-loaded . Other important occasions for validation might be when a deep or vulnerable disclosure is being made—.Be aware that giving validation is difficult for those who are deeply wounded, self-absorbed and/or self-protective.