How to talk to your kids about dating after divorce
Sex may be a little, er, weird, and also potentially difficult to orchestrate with kids around. The good news is this means the excitement of a new relationship. No matter how much you love the new person you bring into your life, your children are unlikely to share the same warm feelings right away. Older children will not usually filter their true feelings and may be heard saying something like, "You have (which my 11-year-old actually exclaimed). It is helpful if the new partner verbally expresses love and a mutual understanding that they are not the father/mother but rather the boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent. We have made it clear that he loves them a father, but is not their father. We deal with this by trying to spread the attention around. I could be found either holding my head high or, alternatively, cowering in the darkest corner of a restaurant. When my ex married someone I didn't necessarily approve of, who spent too much money on buying the kids sunglasses instead of school clothes, stayed out too late, drank too much, etc., keeping my mouth shut was . And we only got walked in on during sex twice during the process.Right off the starting block, if you've been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, you've probably fallen into a Sunday/Friday missionary position (or similar) pattern. The bad news is you may carefully plan your sexual escapades only to be walked in on by your toddler (or worse yet, your 14-year-old). Each of the kids had their own reactions to having a new person in our lives. Our approach with the kids has always been frank honesty. If the new partner has children of his own, a completely new dynamic exists. If you live in a small town you are highly likely to run into your inlaws/shared friends/people from his office. If you are out with your children, this can be confusing for them. Depending on how mature your ex is, they may express a distaste for your new partner to your children. No matter how much you'd like to say "Your father/mother is a complete moron. With teens (15-20) it is important to be honest about your actions. It's been long enough after the divorce that I am ready to meet some new people.I'm wondering how you feel about that." Since your teens are also likely dating, it is important to talk with them about how it may be awkward to have a parent dating at the same time. How will my children be affected by my decision to date?
This is obviously a very personal decision with no one right answer.
There are many things to consider when making the choice to begin dating after your divorce.
Here are a few of the questions that parents ask: Regarding Your Children How do I explain my dating to my children?
When should I introduce my new partner to my children?
Most professionals agree that parents should keep their dating relationships private and away from children until the relationship is serious. What you should avoid though is introducing your children to every person you date after your divorce.