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Don Hennessy is a relationship counsellor and Director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency.In his new book Steps To Freedom, he reiterates that when it comes to emotionally abusive relationships, things are rarely as straightforward as they seem.She will often think, 'if I can stop doing this, I'll have a lovely relationship with this man'."The most essential thing is to get her to feel sorry for him.According to statistics from the Women's Aid Impact Report, launched in 2016, there were 16,375 disclosures of domestic abuse to Women's Aid the previous year.Of those, 10,876 were disclosures of emotional abuse."If she plays right into his hands by examining her own behaviour, she'll never want to leave," says Hennessy.

"Say if she is at the supermarket and thinks she will buy some bananas for her kids, all she can hear in her head is him saying 'don't bring any bananas into this house', and then she doesn't because of that." Emotionally abusive men will often check on their partner's whereabouts, and will slowly erode her confidence by making remarks about her appearance, her financial situation or her housework skills.As Hollywood reeled from the shock of its biggest stars shedding light on a catalogue of sexual assault and harassment offences, the message from the resulting #Me Too movement was clear: if women speak up about these wrongdoings, the world will listen, and will often believe.But we've also realised that controlling behaviour, particularly of men towards women, is far more common than we think."The most important thing you do is not condemn her," says Hennessy. Talking to her about her isn't a good idea; rather, you talk to her about him.I'd approach it as, 'you're a great girl to be able to cope with a man like that.

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