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27, 2000 -- On a gorgeous Sunday morning in 1980, a man we'll call Jack Nussbaum rode his motorcycle down the California coast to see a woman who was interested in buying his Arabian horse.
Olivia Rogers (not her real name) was a successful doctor, separated from her husband and the mother of four teenagers. "I never asked her age," says Nussbaum, a software developer in San Francisco. It didn't matter to me because she was young of mind and spirit." In fact, she was 55 and quite convinced that, at 35, he was far too young for her.
"The first time I opened my mouth to say something to Olivia about what she should do, I stopped," he recalls.
"Here she was this utterly charming, competent doctor who'd raised four children. " He says, "It was a lesson: I was with a mature and powerful woman." Falling in love with a woman 10, 15, 20 years older, or more can be exhilarating.
'" Unlike younger women who are raising children and are often too tired for sex, older women, at least those without young children, are often ready to devote themselves to a vibrant sex life, she says.
"They're more willing to experiment, more relaxed," she says.
"It is finding someone who will love them and be their best friend." Far from showing off a young mate -- the way an older man might do -- Olivia Rogers feels so self-conscious about being older than Nussbaum that she refuses to socialize with his friends.
Twice divorced, Nussbaum says he had developed a habit of trying to tell women who were his age or younger how to live their lives.
"It's very important to me." While an older man may look for a younger woman to make him feel virile and powerful, an older woman doesn't consider a younger man a status symbol, according to Smith, who hosts an online chat group about age-gap relationships.
"It isn't an ego thing with women as it is for men," she says.
"His wife said, 'I remember when I went through that,'" Sherven says. She could offer a different perspective by virtue of her seniority." If an older woman offers wisdom and experience, a younger man offers new ideas, particularly about gender roles, says Diane Smith, 44, a registered nurse in Urbana, Ill., who is married to a man 14 years her junior.
"I find men my age still looking for the wife that is supposed to take care of them," she says.